You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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