Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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