We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
