Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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