I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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