I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So drunk its hurt
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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