I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
