I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Randomize
