his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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