Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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