Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
