Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
