You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
