all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
being pregnant is like rehab
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
