Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
