One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
