apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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