The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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