ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
