I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
