why didn't you poke me back
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
