so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
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You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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