If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
