My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
