She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
