he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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