Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
