Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
