Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.