Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
