My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now