roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
only if we run a train.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
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Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.