Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter