When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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