Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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