it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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