too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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