just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
