he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
