Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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