i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
