i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
