Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
As shirtless as possible
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
