Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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