she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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