He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
