Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
