If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
