i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
