If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
