If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
