So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
