Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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