My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
