I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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