I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you never un-have a 4some
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
