Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
