he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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