I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
