he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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