I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
