So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize