Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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