Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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