Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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