I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
