it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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