Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
