dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
