is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
