My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
