I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
