Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
