couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Found your dick twin last night
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
